The worst time of my life came after various traumatic experiences, a big operation and catching a virus. I began to shake, uncontrollably deep within myself. It wasn't a visible shake, more of a deep vibration. I became fearful, I had panic attacks. Many a time I would leave my shopping trolley half way down an aisle and rush home. After many hospital appointments the consultant suggested, almost apologetically, as it was a 'new thing' in the 1980's that 'if I could accept it' (simply because the tests ruled out diseases such as M.S.) I 'probably' had what was known as "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" and that there was no known cure. I had never heard of it. Happy days.
I grew worse. I could no longer fulfill my many duties, I grew weaker, the pain in my body felt unbearable. I was immobilized. I could not walk or live a normal lifestyle. I was utterly exhausted and felt near death. I am not exaggerating in the slightest, I had no strength. I could not lift my arms, I had to crawl slowly and painfully to the bathroom, I was bedridden. One day when feeling particularly desperate, I asked Yahweh if I was dying. If I was, I wanted to know. He replied: "If I will that you tarry till I come, what is that to thee?" - a quote of course from the time when Peter asked Yahshua what would happen to John. John 21:21-22. The point of His comment to me was, that my life was in His hands, and He would determine the time of my death, and it was not my business.
He did tell me however, that I was ill because of "Deep inner trauma, tragedy and torment."

As Yahshua had already told me the cause of my illness I began addressing the pain deep down inside me which had brought my body and life literally to a standstill. I sought a Christian counsellor to pray with me through the issues. As we prayed together, the trauma began to surface through memories, dreams and flashbacks. This went on for about a year during which time I was given relief from all duties naturally and spiritually.
Gradually, and with a great deal of courage I began to address issues of childhood abuse and trauma and other tragedies and difficult events and circumstances which perhaps I had wrongly ignored or 'pushed down' inside myself for the sake of caring for the people I was responsible for. What a relief to finally deal with the pain, and how wonderfully Yahshua ministered to me during these difficult times, and how marvellous that as the issues were brought to light and healed, my physical body and spirit began to recover. The ways of Yahweh are past finding out, and His care and love for us is incredible. There is a time set by Him for dealing with issues in our lives, including times for deliverance, for healing, for repair. How good He is, and how perfect is His timing.
I would like to encourage you, reader, 'when the vision tarries, wait for it'. Sometimes we have to wait on His perfect time for our healing and our deliverance, but as surely as God (Yahweh) lives, it will come, for you. I can say today many years after these events took place that when He heals, and when He delivers and moves in our life, it is forever. I am so very thankful that today I can stand healed, delivered and free.
I no longer have what is called 'Chronic Fatigue Syndrome' but am healed, healthy and strong.


6. Healing through Persistent Prayer
I was in Israel working with a group of dancers creating a film called "The Joy of Return." One night a terrific pain came into my side. I couldn't stand, I was bent over, rolling on the bed in agony. My husband Peter and friend Ginnie came and began to pray earnestly for the pain to subside, for my healing. The pain grew worse, they prayed 'without ceasing'. The prayer went on for five, ten, fifteen minutes. The pain did not subside. They prayed more, and still more. Three quarters of an hour, an hour, without stopping. I continued to groan and clutch my side. They continued to pray... Then suddenly, I fell back on the bed and amazingly began to laugh. I laughed and laughed as I felt the awesome Presence of Yahweh in the room. I saw a vision and the pain left as suddenly as it had come. The vision was of a concentration camp. I was overwhelmed with the sight of the barbed wire, line upon line creating a formidably high, strong fence around the poor inmates, the beloved Jewish captives. I realised, that this terrible wire had been a formidable thing to face day after day, unable to do anything about it. I cried out for forgiveness for what the Gentiles had done - what we had done to His people. I began to cry, tears rolling down my face. I continued to pray for forgiveness. The pain forgotten, I related to Peter and Ginnie what Yahweh had shown me, it was an awesome moment. I was both healed and enlightened, through the power of Elohim and through persistent prayer.
The next morning as it happened, we were to shoot a portion of the film which included the reconciliation between Jew and Gentile. Yahweh was giving me the right spirit to portray my part in the film. He is amazing.

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